reflections on solitude and superficiality
Hey,
How long has it been since I last created a blog post? 3 or 4 months? Itās been a long time and it has also been exhausting, both mentally and physically.
Honestly, when I thought about posting something here, I had an idea of what I wanted to write, that is, I knew what the topic would be, but I didnāt know when I would write it because I am mentally exhausted.
Have you ever wished that people wouldnāt talk to you? Because the only thing Iāve been thinking and wishing for is exactly thatā¦ I donāt want people to talk to me, I donāt care who it is, passerby or close friend, I just donāt want to talk or respond, so it can take me anywhere from seconds to weeks to respond, and itās not because something happened or because Iām āafkā temporarily, but because I donāt feel like opening the conversation, reading what you wrote, and respondingā¦ It seems bizarre, but itās not social āburnoutā or lack of social ābattery,ā I just donāt want to.
In some cases, itās normal to see me disappear out of nowhere and then reappear after days, weeks, months, or years, randomly, and if you ask me why, my answer will be a simple āyesā or ābecause I want to,ā and thatās it.
I donāt see a reason to explain to people the reason for my actions, as long as that action doesnāt directly have something to do with third parties.
Now, changing the subject but still within the new topic:
Some time ago I mentioned that I left social media but left a personal bot forging and replicating posts I make elsewhere, like Telegram, and of course, I knew some people would end up messaging me on social media, but I simply said āfuck it, I donāt need to care about that,ā and thatās what I did. But this week I logged into the social media where my bot was active, and the worst-case scenario happened: I was flooded with messages.
Bizarre that even without interacting with other people, they try to interact with meā¦ You might think this is something only a ājerkā would do, but do you really think I care what people think about other people who post on social media like Instagram and Facebook? Seriously?
These people cut out the parts they hate most about themselves to try to reach the standard of other people and then be happy because of likes on photosā¦ Imagine needing others to validate what, how, or who you are. How bizarre.
Superficiality is in fashion.
Well, letās talk more about what Iāve been doing in recent months, but to summarize, it would be: nothing.
Yes, nothingā¦ The only thing Iāve really been doing is gaining weight, programming small things, setting up new personal servers, and trying to reach a level of perfect solitude to be happier with my solitude than I already am.
āYuri, why do you want to reach a level of happiness being solitary?ā Because people are strange to me, really.
I tried to get romantically involved with two girls in the last three months, and I remembered why I donāt try to get involved even as friends, let alone romanticallyā¦ People have become so superficial and uncultured that they simply canāt understand what is good and what is bad, just as they canāt have a dialogue to solve the problems you/you are having and/or want to try to take/use/spend your money, as if you were the provider of that person.
Iām a guy with old-fashioned culture, so yes, my worldview is more closedā¦ Iām the kind of guy I usually call myself āMan Guy,ā because Iām going to act like one; inside and outside the house, Iām going to play my role as a manā¦ Iām the kind of guy with the culture of the old folks from the 20s/30s/40s, and I always make that very clear to the girls I end up getting involved with, and Iām also from the Right State (in case itās different in your country, Iām part of the āconservativesā) and that already says a lot about most of the things you should imagine about who I am, but itās worth saying that Iām conservative, but I respect your choices and opinions, as long as you donāt involve me in them and donāt try to impose them on me.
So yes, I will provide everything for the girl who is with me, as long as she behaves like a woman who respects herself as such. You canāt demand something if you have nothing to offer, or if you have nothing equivalent to what you demand. This is one of the problems of society at the current romantic level, but another problem is when you are arguing/discussing and/or having many problems, and one of the parties keeps talking for a relevant amount of time about the problems they are having, what is wrong and saying to talk and solve, but the other party simply doesnāt want to have the dialogueā¦ This ends any relationship, no matter the level or degree.
If you are friends and donāt talk about the differences you have, at some point, by refusing the premise so much, you will end up fighting and cutting off the friendship, and the same happens for romantic relationshipsā¦ Itās no wonder that more and more I envy my grandfather who is also my fatherā¦ He took care of my grandmother, never drank, never smoked, never disrespected her, always protected and provided everything she and the house needed, without questioning, without looking at other women and always focused on just getting and having a single woman who is his wife (my grandmother), just as I envy the woman my grandmother was and who was also my mother, for the woman she was/is.
Honestly, Iām tired and fed up with all levels of relationships, from passerby to friendship or romantic; shallow people, with shallow opinions, with shallow conversations and idiocies they created for themselves.
Today what Iām looking for is social distancing from all peopleā¦ On a professional level, I keep the conversation only about the work environment, without putting my life in it, just as I only listen and forget what they say about personal lifeā¦
Changing the subject again, I have increasingly embraced my unique and exclusive solitude because I feel good when I simply open my eyes and everything is calm, just as I feel good when I simply lie down and see everything calm too, and that my biggest concern is doing my job, eating and the rest is whatever I want, and thatās it.
Really? Try solitude, peace, and quiet.
I donāt have much more to say hereā¦ Actually, I wanted this to have just a few lines, but itās already too long; I just wanted to say that Iām fine, living well, and continuing in the best way possible.
Thanks!
Listen this epsode on Spotify or YouTube. Or email me if you want.