what if everything goes wrong?
Everything has been going so well lately. Life once felt so heavy, full of battles, storms, and strong currents. But now, I wake up feeling different. It seems like after losing so much, itās finally time to win. Things are changing, and new events are bringing a fresh spice to my once monotonous routine.
When everything seems to go wrong, when dreams are interrupted, and when what we often believe in is lost, it becomes harder and harder to trust that things will eventually improve. Iāve had days when just getting out of bed came with a certain fear of the 24 hours ahead. Sometimes, a single moment would lift my spirits, but before the day ended, everything seemed to crumble again. I thought about giving up a thousand times but always got back up to move forward. I splashed water on my face, tucked my fear into my pocket, and carried courage in my chest. Slowly, I began to lift my head, navigating through the river created by the storm of problems, hoping it would lead me to a place where I could start over, believe again, find strength to row, and learn to stand tall to continue.
At the end of each day, dissatisfied, I saw all that needed to change and felt an unconscious pressure to keep sabotaging myself. I wanted to complain less but didnāt fight more. I wanted to think less but couldnāt stop overplanning. I wished to start pursuing that dream right away, but I kept saying, āTomorrow, Iāll begin.ā Every night before sleep, Iād catch myself wishing, āMay tomorrow be better than today.ā Slowly, I realized how routine enslaves us, confines us. We expect more but do the same. But good results only come when we allow ourselves to be different, to break free from the molds weāve placed on ourselves.
We try to find ourselves, but almost always in the wrong ways. Sometimes, we need to let go, to simply trust. We need to lose to reflect and try again, a thousand times if needed, until success becomes reality. We must always change and improve. And everything only began to transform when I changed what needed to be changed within myselfāwithout victimhood, without fear of shaking my foundations, confronting my wounds, acknowledging my pride and shortcomings.
After so many stumbles, I blindly wanted to get everything right. In moments of desperation, I longed for someone to love. But how could I love someone when I wasnāt even sure how much I loved myself? The truth is, sadness and pain throw dust in our eyes, making us feel incapable of being happy again. We let pain tame us so deeply that we train ourselves to endure suffering. And when happiness finally arrives, our greatest fear emerges: What if everything starts going wrong again? What if the happiness weāre glimpsing is just a fleeting rainbow that vanishes the moment we admire it?
Who wouldnāt want happiness and good moments to last forever? For happiness to enter our lives and never want to leave, finding a permanent place in our homes, our days, our hearts? Who wouldnāt want peace amid the battles we fight every dayāto not give up, to not succumb? But happiness, as the song says, is a matter of being, of knowing how to wait, letting it go, trusting that it will return. And it doesāit always doesāif we just keep moving forward, fighting without expecting too much. We improve one thing here, another there. Happiness is a journey to explore, including finding beauty in the cloudy skies of sad days. Itās learning from pain, not just enduring it. Itās knowing how to rise after falling. Itās believing in yourself when no one else seems to. If we donāt value ourselves, who will? In the gamble of life, we must always bet the most on ourselvesāwithout excuses, without complaints.
After betting so much on myself, now that Iāve started winning, others want to bet on me too. After doubting if I loved myself, I now see how much I do. And by loving myself, I feel far more ready to love someone else. When faced with a beautiful smile, Iāll give my truest smile in return. And if she faces storms of her own, Iāll know at least how to be more than just anyone. But then people ask if Iāll only be happy when I have love. The truth is, Iāll have love because Iām happy. Happiness attracts happiness. Positive thoughts repel the negative. Happiness fills an empty heart with so much more loveāfor life, for moments, for people, for words, for sounds, for dreams, for the wind that brushes the face of those who allow themselves to be free, unchained by consequences. Life happens when everything begins to happen within us. And if someone hasnāt arrived yet, I still believe. Iāll keep moving forward, content without needing that someone else. I want to be more than a sum; I aim to be more than a complement. No halves hereāweāll both be whole, and together, if we choose, weāll create one love in two hearts. And just thinking about it, I wait without truly waiting. Iām preparing my heart for whoever may come. My intensity will never change.
And if everything goes wrong? Iāll be ready to start rowing again, with the wisdom of someone who knows that it will pass. If things go awry, weāll find a way. Weāll start over, knowing weāre imperfect. But for now, Iāll do my best to get it right, fully aware that I might fail. And when I fail, I wonāt lose heart. If everything I now live so lightly falls apart, thatās okay. In time, Iāll experience equal or even greater happiness. It might take a whileāIām in no rush. I wonāt lose faith. I wonāt fear losing myself in my routines or in the anxiety of my stumbles.
Iāll keep giving my all in every small event, every gesture, every written word, and every shared feeling. If everything goes wrong, Iāll learn. From mistakes, success is bornāthe opportunity to grow. The paths are many, and I am just one, but Iāll keep walking the path of the heart, following the will of my soul. If tomorrow isnāt what I hoped for, I wonāt be afraid to go against the tide. In life, we are nothing without a bit of courage. In life, we are nothing without our hearts, which never stop loving one more time. Without the faith that lets us hold onto hope and believe enough to start over once againāand as many times as needed.
Today, I live. Tomorrow, if necessary, Iāll begin again.
e-mail me if you want: me@yuricunha.com